Yesterday.... oh yesterday was a day. Sunday's for me begin at 4 am - work - then to serve in our Mission at 10 am.... then everything that happens between then and 4 pm... yesterday was a day. I know that I should be blogging about all of the events going on in our family.... of my beautiful grand kids and the one on the way... but there is much in the innermost parts of my soul that has been worked on lately. I let bits and pieces of my mission out now and then - sometimes because people ask - sometimes because I can't hold it all on my own and I have to let go of some of it. Del was home not feeling well - I wanted to claim not feeling well but something made me get in that car and drive there asap. The first thing I do when arriving at church is look around to see if my 15 plus families made it there - if they have shoes on - and ask the spirit to tell me if they've eaten that day, or that weekend. I know 3 of my single moms aren't there - because they pulled a Sunday shift at work - that means that 7 children under the age of 14 are home alone and I will drive to their homes to make sure they are safe, and leave my number with them if they are scared. I looked over to see my 95 year old sweetheart Fred there - he winks at me when our eyes meet. He calls me beautiful, I remind him that he needs to get his eyes checked. I see my cancer patient, my 2 walker racers with their tennis balls attached to their walkers in different colors - heaven forbid they should mix those things up. I see the newborn baby born to the family living in a travel trailer - not a double wide mind you - but one you camp in. It's another girl - and the dad wanted a boy. I notice my Road Home friend has made it - he's writing a letter. Halfway through the meeting he walks from his bench halfway up the room to the back of the room where I am and hands me the note, then walks back. I thank him with a smile - he does this - writes me notes in church. In this one he writes that he doesn't think his ready to get married because he has to fix his mind first. I nod and agree because Mental Illness is his best friend. I remind him that I haven't encouraged him to get married - I tell him that what I said was that he is so full of love he would be a wonderful companion for someone someday... when he gets out of the homeless shelter, which I know he will. Then I remind him that he writes like a girl and he laughs. I see Jerry - who hasn't missed a week of church in 6 months even though he's not a member. It's warm in the church, and I slip him a granola bar. One of my families makes it - shoes on, dress on, ties on.... but they probably haven't had an appointment with a shower for a month. I still hug them and tell them they are beautiful. The husband usually wears a bathrobe... we're moving up these days. I smile at the 18 year old girl that just delivered a baby, she rocks it, it's beautiful, she looks like she's scared to death as a new mom. I know that this baby doesn't have even half the chance she had, and the father is already gone. One of my families is a broken family, there are illegal immigrant issues, children being drug back and forth, and in-laws with mob connections. It comes in second to the fact that there was a murder in our ward last week. 3 brothers living together in a house that attended class and sat by me - one of them killed his brother - we don't know which one was killed because the remaining two haven't been seen since. All this happens each week, all week almost daily - something that rips my heart out. I've been asked and it's actually one of my least favorite questions - so please don't ever ask me... "Do you think you're doing any good - will they ever change?" That question is one I'll never answer. There isn't an answer, there isn't a solution. But yesterday I spent about 2 hours with a person that listened to my every word - words from my mouth that I had no part of, but was truly spoken by the spirit. He cried when he thought that he had caused pain in my life from the problems that I had to deal with him over. I told him of how he was such a blessing for me - how he had taught me things that I could never have learned. I reminded him that he was the kind of friend to Del and I that we wanted to get an invitation to his daughter's wedding someday.... I told him he was loved, that he was worth it, that he mattered.... This grown man bent over, put his face in his hands and sobbed. We all have problems in this world - shouldn't we have someone tell us that we matter sometimes. Every road is dusty, muddy and sometimes endless - but isn't it nice to know we are loved? I reminded him that our Savior died for him because he was worth it. A different man left that room that day. He took something with him that money cannot buy. It was Hope. If all I do day after long day is show someone Hope... then the rest really doesn't matter does it.
To my children and their families - YOU are my HOPE for the FUTURE. I have given to you my all, my everything, all that I have. You have listened, and become more than I could have ever imagined. When I get old (er than I am)... I want to go to church with my tennis ball walker, in my bathrobe, my big gulp from 7-11, and I hope and pray that someone brings me a granola bar and and a note. I can hardly wait for next Sunday.... until then - there's Monday through Saturday... and what they bring. You are loved, you matter, you are worth it. Repeat after me....
And On A LIGHTER NOTE: I wore my cowboy boots to church yesterday - a person asked me what I called them... I said right out "Poop Kickers" (except I said the S word) ..... he said he wanted some of those. Flattery - gets you every time. and they still won't release me....
