Points of Light

It's Christmas Eve.  This is my 600th post since I started blogging.

The house is very quiet.  There are no little children here anymore.

It makes me cry.

I still have totes of decorations I have not put out and about, and it's strange to not see them displayed.  My Santa collection is in one of the totes, and that's ok.  There has been much going on as of late, and it's taken most of my Thanksgiving, and now my Christmas - and I'm just tired.

But inside...

there is Peace.

We serve as Inner City Missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  This is a calling made by the Church to serve as Service Missionaries - to those in need.  Many of our friends have been called to these positions - and we thought when we were called that we would go and do our best for the 12 months and call it a day.  We were called to a different mission than most of our friends - it's hard to believe that this exists somedays.  But we're almost two years into it now - and there really isn't an end in sight.  I'll just talk about my experiences a bit here - because we really aren't too public about it.  Most of our families we work with are protected by the state - some are trying to keep safe from abusive spouses, some children are protected from abusive parents, most are without jobs or homes, or hope.  It is not a calling of sunshine, but a calling that have introduced me to the concept of

 'Points of Light'

 

I have learned that I can stand inside the front door of a crack house and find a child within 60 seconds of a door opening to get it taken out to safety.

I have learned that a Utah Cockroach is - really big.

I have seen food being hidden in pockets, because it's their next meal.

I have listened to a mother verbally slam a child into a muteness, and a dark corner to hide.

I've seen children sleeping on the floor year after year.

I go to the Homeless Shelter to make sure my best friend is safe.  My only protection is my badge.

I have heard the screams on the phone of gunshots being shot through a home from the street.

I have filed a missing persons file when a mother and 2 children go missing after the little ones watched their gangster daddy take out mom physically.

I have had hundreds of texts from a woman terrified to death of who is pounding on the door in the middle of the night, in a place we are not allowed into after 9 pm.

I smile and wave to the police guarding the door of a threatened family from a gang.

I have seen the bottom of a mans foot showing through the bottom of his shoes.

I ached when the food money was used for smokes and booze.

I cried for a young boy who was caught shoplifting food because he was hungry.

I have walked the halls of the church house keeping pedophiles away from the nursery.

I have held a sobbing woman who just sold herself for rent.

I am aware of Satan's greatest tools.

Some of you may think I'm kidding... I'm not.

I've seen him face to face.

 

But I choose to see the 'Points of Light'

I see a home ward opening their hearts and wallets to provide warmth and gifts for little children.

I see a School Teacher teaching her children about giving - and watching those kids spend their own money for a pair of slippers for an old man, or a gift for a child that has never had one.

I see bags of clothes donated to clothe entire families.

I've seen 4 turkeys at a Christmas Party feed 300.

I've heard the most abused person in our Mission, open her mouth and sing like an angel.

I've seen the poorest of men offer his warm hat to another.

I've been offered lettuce found in a dumpster because they had nothing to offer me.

I've felt the warmth of tears on my face from someone that never knew anyone cared.

I have heard the smallest voice stand and bear testimony that God lives.

I've watched a Bishop tend to the needs of 800 people in one ward.

I've seen the Missionaries fed by a family that used their food order to feed them.

I've seen pennies, dimes and nickels from adults paying their tithing.

I've heard powerful priesthood blessings being given - to the point that you open your eyes to see if the Savior is standing there.

I've seen courage beyond belief from a homeless person with a 4.0 grade average.

I have seen the Glory of the Gospel, and Heavenly Angels ministering to this ward.

I have found, that I have so much more to do.

 

So... The Santa's didn't make it on the shelf.

There are no presents under the tree.

The lights never made it to the outside of the house.

I still drive to my mission with a Coke in one hand and a bowl of cereal in the other.

I still work graveyard shift right before I go to serve.

I sometimes sleep in sacrament meeting.

I mostly say I'm done on the way to serve early in the morning,

and I cry all the way home saying - I'll never give up.

I take on whatever needs to happen - which is usually always an emergency.

But if I can just try to be better, and give more, and complain less, and trust in my Savior more,

I think that someday, he'll see my tiny point of light.

 

Pass It On

Peace Good Will Toward Men

 

Merry Christmas my beautiful Children.

I miss your pitter patter of running up and down the stairs

to see if Santa has arrived.

You - have been my greatest gifts of life.

 



$1.06 McDonalds Large Coke

I have an agenda today.  Things that HAVE to get done or... it will be too late.  Running here and there,  jumping up and down, dodging from side to side.... and that's just the grocery part.  My biggest issue of my life is my attention span.  I KNOW what has to be done, I FEEL the pressure, I SEE the time on my watch and the amount of charge time left on my I-pod..... and yet the minute I get serious, bright shiney keys show up and..... squirrel..... I'm lost to the abissssssss.....   So - off to McDonalds to start the day with a coke and a smile... and then.... um... wait.... um.....

Just a little moment of Merry, before reality sets in.

There was a horrid thing that happened to 28 people, and their families in Connecticut yesterday.  I was bombarded with images and listening to screaming and watching the death count of small children and educators.  I was traumatized at the news, it sickened me.  I heard about it on the way to see my mother.  I only have a day to be with her and this was to be our happy day.  Well - it's a lot of work to make mom happy these days as she is really slipping into sadness - so these days together need to really count.  I arrived at the house and she had already heard the news - with her memory failing, every 10 minutes she relived hearing the news as if it was the first time hearing it.  I made a choice to turn off the TV, and turn the oven on, and started making Christmas Cookies with her.  We put beautiful music on, we trimmed her house with beautiful lights, and we prepared boxes of goodies for people that had been so kind to her.  We drove them around to the houses and looked at the lights. That night we watched  'Scrooge' at the Old Barn where my nephew did a great job.  There wasn't much I could do to change the tragic events of the day - but I had control over having a memorable day with my mom.  Here's what happened on a snowy day in a warm kitchen that smelled like heaven... 

Aunt Mary Hill's 100 year old Ginger cookie recipe

aw yes - hot wassail on the stove next to the clam chowder....

frosting then dipping into the coconut...

each cookie was perfect.

So is she.

ok... well right up to the point where the nativity set up

went really wrong.  The two wise men on the left were running

off with the loot, the sheep were sleeping, the 3rd wise man

was hitting on Mary and please don't make me get into

whatever is going on with the shepherd and Joseph.

 

Overall... for a moment in time there was Peace on Earth

in the little town I grew up in, in our little home there

with my sweet mom that I love so dearly.

 

Tomorrow I'll shed the millions of tears

for the innocent children, the grieving parents,

the loss in a community,

and unanswered questions of why.

And wonder if the world will

recover from this one, and when

will the next one be.

Bearing children at the age of 12 - and other myths.

I never thought the day would come that I could look at my kids as adults.  I just knew that I would kill them before then - either over grades, curfew, or my cooking.  Mandy and Ryan share the same birthday week - and no - I did not allow Christmas wrapping on their Birthday gifts.  It's been a riot watching them grow up and become these two really amazing people.  Mandy is married to a Ryan, making it quite confusing at times, and she's the mom of the man child we love to bits.  Ryan, MY Ryan just married his sweetheart Katie and they are working hard on their college degrees.  I just looked at these smiles and melted.  Aren't they wonderful?  Actually the picture I didn't show was the gang signs they were flashing.... so please don't buy into the perfect child thoughts.  We all arrived at Noodles with our FREE NOODLES BIRTHDAY coupons - and we feasted upon the goodness. Mike and Ashley, Katie and I joined the partae and we just sat around and laughed.... a lot.... at these two.  I love being their mom - I love that deep down inside my twisted thoughts - I have memories that can keep these two my humble servants forever.  I also am pretty happy about the amount of love and support they give me.  Just wanted to send out a shout out for their Birthday - Mandy - a quarter of a century, and my baby Ryan is 23.  Yes - if you do the math - I had them when I was 12.  Ok - I admit - although being together for the birthday people in my life - the best thing about the day was this...

Mac n Cheese and the boss - a delicious combination.

 

OH HAPPY DAY MANDY AND RYAN!

12/12/12 - because it should be noted...

Ok - so I've been waiting for the end of the world today.  I still have a few hours.  Until then, I have a cold, I'm tired, and I'm behind on watching Parenthood.  I have laundry to do, cupcakes to make, and some hot chocolate to drink.  It's a dark gloomy day - maybe the sun thought it was over too!  I did check my schedule at work and it says that I'm suppose to be in at 5 am - so at least THEY don't believe it ends today.  Kinda having a bad hair day too - so maybe I should at least brush it out.  I'm a tad over my (choke choke) weight goals so at least the vultures (if they make it through it all) will have a feast feast feast!   I also heard that the church ladies of rebellion are wearing their pants to church on Sunday - that might just be the last day for them.... ya know. Unfortunately I have to go to church in my Missionary Stuff - and then change into my pants to set up beds for a family that has been sleeping on the floor for over a year.  Then go back to the church... in my pants.  I hope I'm not voted in as 'pants president'.  If it is the end of the world today - let it be known that I have lived every moment of what I've been handed.  I hope to be able to celebrate the birthdays of my two kids this week - at least at Noodles - so if it IS the end - please leave us at least one Noodles to eat at.  Oh - and can we keep Happy Hour at Sonic?  There are some things I won't miss..... namely traffic on I-15, Diet Coke, sore throats, and miles between my grand kids and I.  I will miss scrambled eggs with ketchup, orange sticks and my entire family - except for a few cousins that think I'm of the devil.  Let's not let them know any different ok?  Have a super wonderful day - ok - I will miss you too.  xoxox  OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE - it's not the end of the world day - that's on the 21st!  But it was a great practice day!

Proud to be a Birthday Ginger

Yes.... I was born a Ginger.... quite a few years ago today actually.  I seem to find a 5 and a 3 mixed into that age range.  I wanted to post on my birthday - just because it's always fun when you actually SEE your birthday written out..... DECEMBER 3rd.  I mean you wait an entire year to see it written and then poof, in 24 hours December 4th crashes the party!  It's been quite a ride so far.  Somethings I hope my children will never forget.  Somethings I hope they'll never know (makes you wonder now eh?)  Never the less I thought about this day and how fortunate I've been to have some pretty spectacular things going on.  Like my knees.  Gosh I love them.  They've been through some pretty rough moguls skiing, jumping over high jump bars, cycling, frightening zumba classes, crawling around with little children, and endless hours on them in prayer.  They are slightly elephant skinned, and saggy, but they are the best praying bases I have.  I have my mom's hands.  Dark spots are starting to show, and my fingers are starting to get crooked, but they always seem to find themselves reaching out to try to help someone.  Once an old lady in a rest home slapped them when I reached out to pat her on the arm.  They said she did that all the time.  I looked at my eyes closely today - boy have they seen life.  They've had to look at the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - isn't that a movie?  They've closed many times with tears, and they've looked upon the sun and the glory of the world.  They've seen little tiny wrinkles forming around them - each one earned from a smile.  They've seen life being born, and they've seen life leave this earth. But they are Ginger Blue, and have a fleck of green like my Dad's eyes still have at 83.  I felt my heart beating today - strong - and true.  Some days it's felt broken, but mostly it's carried the weight of keeping me going, and trying hard to keep me around.  Ok - so I also started my High Blood Pressure meds and my Cholesterol meds, I can hardly wait for those side effects.  I looked at my hair - or at least where it use to be really really long - but I gave 12 inches away the other day so that someone else could be a Ginger.  I'm not sure if I did them any favors.  Hope they have the freckles to go with that hair.  Over all - I'm not happy about being an odd number of years - I do better on the even years - so my posts might be stranger this year than normal.... really?  Have I ever had a normal one?  So I begin this new older adventure and look to the future with hope.... and I hear many challenges calling out to me... like my husband Gomer, of almost 30 years in the room snoring, at 7 PM.... now THAT'S old.

Thanks Mom and Dad for wanting me - and keeping me after you saw my hair.  My mom called tonight and sang Happy Birthday to  me - she couldn't remember the words.... I said, "Well most of it repeats and then you say my name in the middle", she said, "In the middle of what?"  Oh well.  But she remembered the day she had me - and she explained it in great detail.  The mind allows you to remember the good times - and I am grateful to have celebrated with my children, and grandchildren this particular Good Time.  I winked at the heavens - I miss it there - but I'm trying hard here to get back there in one piece, with 2 carry on pieces of luggage, and no regrets.  BTW... I'll be baking Ginger Cookies to celebrate, and I'll be heating the entire house to bake them with - in a single hot flash.  Gotta love it - started those meds too....

Oh Happy Day