Last night as my little boy... (sappy, and snot filled post)

I've missed an entire month of blogs - blogs that are inside my heart waiting to be posted - pictures that tell the stories of love from my family.  But tonight I just want to post a quick thought.  I went upstairs to my son's room and looked at him sleeping.  Like so many many millions of times before.  I looked at his eyelashes weighing down on his cheeks.  He's all curled up in a ball, all 6'2" of him.  His hair is still soft and of course cut perfectly.  I can hear his breathing - his lungs allowing those breaths of air that he struggles with.  Oh how I love this kid.  But, his heart that once beat for his mom - now beats for Katie.  Tomorrow he's headed down to marry his bride in the next week, his sweetheart, the one that matters more in this world to him than anything.  His car is packed, chocolate milk in the fridge, cookies in a zip lock, pocket change for gas for his trip.  He's become that which I knew he would become.  His soul is good, and true, and centered on the right things in life.  He's honored his Priesthood, he's served the Lord, he loves the Temple.  Seriously, what more could I ask as a mom? The next time I see him, will be the day before his wedding.  A celebration of the beginning of a new Mrs. Hillary!  For now, each text and phone call from Katie makes him smile, and his step is lighter.  I know he is truly in love.  His goals are playing out just as he's worked for and dreamed of.  He will be a good husband, a kind one, a loyal one.  On those tough days when top ramen is the meal of the day, he'll make sure that it's served on a special plate, and that there's a flower on the table.  Times will be difficult, and challenging with school and work - but wow - when I see that beautiful young lady he'll be married to, I know that the sky is the limit with their abilities.  It's time that they start their own world, and as a parent, I know the struggles and joys of that journey, but isn't that what you spend a lifetime teaching them about?  How grateful I am that we were able to spend a few weeks with him - before he becomes Mr. to the Mrs. of his dreams.  Lucky for me - I have had a wonderful life with Ryan, and I know that it will just get better and better with Katie in that life too.  Up at 4 am to make scrambled eggs and toast and send him on his way.  I wish I could stop my eyes from leaking... must be because I have known and have felt the great love you can have for your children, and how your heart aches to let them go, but you do because what is out there, is all that you told them about when they were that little one in your arms.  Oh... and I reserve the right to tell you when you need to be better, nicer, apologize, and to pick up your socks... I love you always and forever.  Sweet dreams.

Who the heck is managing this blog? No one? Really?

It's been a bit o' time since the last blog. 

I'm gluing the pieces of time together

and trying hard to make it all make sense.

I picked up an extra plate because I had

too much on the jumbo one I was trying to use.

Life comes at you fast,

you need to be surrounded by

those you can love,

and trust,

and that can help you visualize joy.

To not let those broken dreams get you too down.

There are so many special things happening in the near future,

and some so very sad - but how lucky I feel to have

the opportunity to test my faith, to show my love,

and to breathe in and out every day.

Oh Crap.... and tomorrow's Monday

could someone break that Yanni CD that's playing

and give me some Stained....

Posting some Joy this week,

stepping over the sad.

(It's causing big dog jowls on my face)

(and when I do my yoga, it flaps in the wind)

(Em and Drew... I sent my heart home with you,

but I saved a bit for Jman)