Hardly enough thanks to you all...

Just wanted to thank my Military Heros... Mike, Dr. Love, Brayton, Elizabeth & Mike G., Jessica and Hubby D, Ryan R. (Elise's darlin), and my daddio....

Today I looked over at Mike - and I could hardly hold back the tears of grattitude that he was home again.

I watched Ashley's face - bright with love and happiness.

I remembered that his brother, is still there, and that it weighs heavy on his heart.

Ashley reminded me tonight that Mike is alive today because someone sacrificed their life for him... it was Mikes Birthday and his friend said, "No one should have to go out to war on their birthday" (basically paraphrased) and He never returned that day.  So when I get into my clean comfortable bed, in my safe warm home, and reach over and touch the arm of my husband next to me, and close my eyes without fear.... I WILL remember those that

Didn't get to sleep at all

Don't have a bed

Left their homes and children to serve

Left their loved ones home to leave fresh tears on the pillow

Never came home.

I am grateful for you,

I honor you.

Thank you.

sssshhhhhhhh......

..... there be sleepin' babies in the house....

ryan roadies

seriouusly ive decided to write this entire post in lower case letters and i might not use any punctuation at all i feel like everything is running together and im standing next to the road watching everyone drive by  now thats kinda funny because my 2 ryans are both going to be on the road tomorrow one heading to washington dc and the other to gila valley arizona one is starting the dream internship and the other watching a dream come true for a family thats kinda cool  i do worry about them no wait i worry freakishly large amounts about this whole thing not that i don't trust them or know that this is major adventure for them both but if they drive like i do when i drive you might have seen my car go by as im asleep  i just dont want them falling alseep or their cars to break down or someone hurt them or wait i have to remember that they are both old enough to to this and they have a goal in mind but still the mommy in me says are you sure you dont want me to drive along with you and that might be worse than falling asleep ya know well what a day can i ask you all to keep these ryans in your prayers because heaven knows that they are loved by me with a captiol L period

What haunts your dreams?

Well - it was interesting enough to actually find the address we needed to visit this week... but it was especially interesting to have it be a meth house... oh sista, those open sores must really hurt when you flash those gang signs... and by the way - My Kingdom.... would win....   I love being a Missionary.  I'm pretty much convinced that I've grown a foot or two, AND I must increase my firearm capacities.  Next time I visit her... I'm taking a tooth brush for her teeth - what's left of them, and some soap for her mouth.  I might not be your 'certain kind o momma' but I bet she would like to know what you've chosen to do with your life.  So I just held your broken body in my arms and told you that a safe house is right around the corner, and tonight I will relive you telling me that you don't dare even go there.  I usually don't publish these thoughts, but one day I'll write them in a book just to get them out of my mind.  The experiences I'm having every single week, sometimes 2-3 times a week are heart wrenching, but - it's just too fresh in my mind, and in my helpless state of being and I can only write the frustrations because there are no answers tonight.  For now...I can only pray for this person, and ask that she isn't raped tonight, or beaten again, or that the low that comes after the high, won't kill her.  I had better get started.... because the next experience is right, around, the, corner..

Twenty-Sex

I came upon this picture today - I thought it would be so much fun to challenge everyone to count how many wrinkles there are in my neck.  But when you're done with that - I want you to notice my smile - gosh I'm really hoping that my teeth are clean - no olives stuck between them or spinach (or heaven forbit chocolate).... that smile is there because of that person next to me.  For 26 years, as of today, May 16th, she's been at my side.  The day Ashley was born, I was at an aerobics class.  I was really angry because I couldn't lift my knees up.  Ok - so I was just a little over 8 months preggo - but I worked out ok?  I gained 16 lbs., she weighed 8 - it was a sweet thing.  She was the only child of mine to have her grandmother there to see come into this world.  It wasn't creepy or anything - it was actually very very sweet - to see my mother's tears.  My mom had wanted 8 children but could only have two.  My mom tells the story of the doctor calling her over to the door and saying "Hey Hot Lips, put this robe on and come in in and watch this!"  I looked over at the doctors and noticed a pair of eyes I recognize behind one of the masks.
I knew it was my mom - because there were tears on her mask.

Today I just wanted to tell you Ashley that I've never been more proud of the person you are today.  Had I known all that you have become today would happen, I would have not let you fall off the counter and smack your head as a child.  (seriously... she moved like lightening).  Had I known that you would have developed talents in soccer... I might have warned the other children how 'very serious of a player you were' before you tackled them to the ground.  Had I know that you would become an amazing saxophone player, I would have removed those earplugs in Junior High during the concerts and enjoyed them a bit more.  Had I known that you would play in the Olympics in the Spirit Band, I would have given you more Vitamin C so you didn't get pneumonia and a 104 temp. during the opening ceremonies.  Had I know that you would attend BYU as a Chemical Engineer... I would  have encouraged cooking in the kitchen more, hey - I have chemicals in that pantry...  Had I known that you would get your Masters at the University of Utah, I would have dropped you on your head an extra time or two.  Had I known that you would marry a handsome gentleman that we all love, I would have allowed him to talk to you on line from Iraq more... because you were suppose to be grounded from that remember?  Had I known that you would become the most amazing sister, aunt, niece and sister in law.... I would have had more children to have enjoyed having you be just that to them.  Had I known then, the amazing woman you would become today... I would have had you a lot earlier... but I wouldn't know how to explain that to the Bishop... Had I known how very easy it is to love a daughter, that is all that and then some.... well, actually, I do know.  Every single day - I remember what you are to me.  I see what you've become.  I know what you will be.  I know of all that you give to others.  I know of all of the love you have in your heart.  I know of all of your kind acts of service.  I know that you are true to your sweetheart.  I know you are strong inside and out.  I know that I am a pretty lucky person, because God knew I would drop you on your head... and he still let me have you.
I love you.  Happy Birthday to all 6'0" documented proof of you.

...and then some...

"Lull"ified

It's 'Lull' time... the time between all that has been done today and all that I still need to do.  It's when I want a cold Pepsi on the rocks... and I want to feel those tingly bubbles tickle my nose.  Ok - there's a visual.  I take off the icky clothes from work - (seriously - they are gag) and I put on my scrubs.  Then I check out my e-mail's and face book friends lives, and dream a bit.  I go through the mail - and even though it's junk mail - I love to open it, because they don't want to remind me that I owe something on a certain date... ya know.... I'm flip flopping between what to make for dinner or fake for dinner, always a toss up.  That probably means we'll have pancakes.... and a vegetable of course. I also have to check out the 'GOOGLE' home page - I'm always so excited when they post a new design, that always brings a smile.  Today is was from a BYU Professor from the Animation School of Completely Obsessed Artists.  This week,while at work, where I'm not suppose to have any earphones on... (ya right) - I actually won the Boner Recap Prize for listening and calling in on X96 Radio From Hell.  Then I actually posted it on Facebook that I won - I'm not sure people were ready to read about a Boner Award - but BFOP's know it is a coveted prize of food and a lube job.  I live, and love to listen to that station - it's a sinful obsession, and I'll never change.  I can't explain the weirdness of those people - but they actually make me think about things, and where I stand on things.  They are not family though (I often have to remind myself that they are DJ's on a talk show and not my best friends)(well, ok - someday's they really are all I have) - well except for Sister Dottie Dixon.  She's right up there on the Family Tree, er or, is it 'He' is right up there - ya know, I just don't know/care!   I'm pretty sure that I'll commit some sort of homicide at work  because my hours are later on in the day and I am stuck there while people in all of their cute Capri's and sandals are coming into the store - to purchase a few fun things to go on some adventure that I'm coveting.... Hey - I did sign up for my free Tab Bell's concert... I'm a quiet socialite actually (you actually thought you read 'quite' but no - I go nowhere, I do nothing - I'm a quiet socialite).  I've been looking through my text messages today - I always fill up my texts and then I can't part with any of them... no matter if it's just one that says, 'Yerp'.  Because that makes me smile.  My favorite one - and one I will not part with - was one from Bethany about my beautiful Grand-daughter... "BeautyM (name has been changed to protect her innocence), had eaten 4.5 bananas today and keeps on crying and asking for more 'nunana'."  I laughed so hard - so not only have I saved that text to blog now,but I'm laughing yet again - because that little one year old won't be able to poop for a week!  She is beautiful.  I have 3 beautiful ones so far... until Ashley brings that pee stick over for me for Mother's Day... then I'll have 3.25, right?  I did enjoy quite a busy weekend - I'll post my pictures soon.  I must have been on some sort of mommy crack - there were about 50 events going on at the same time.  Right now I'm trying to figure out how to rotate those pictures so it doesn't look like everyone was laying down sleeping...  Anyway - my handsome son just walked in - and we're off on a bike ride.  I have duct taped an umbrella to my handlebars, just in case.  I still am working on that cup holder for my Coke.  I'm giggling because today I'm at 99975 on my blog stalkers.  That just makes my day.  I can't imagine anything that I could ever write being worth that many hits.  Unless my mom has figured out blogging and just keeps going on it, and on it, and on it.  Cheers to you - hope you always find a 'Lull' in your day - and tell me about what you do in it.  Except for Elaine... I'm not sure you can actually post that here for the next stalkers to read.  (xoxoox)

Me Mudders

I just spent an interesting day as a Missionary.  I sat by a single mom of 4, knowing that those 4 little ones barely had any food to eat for breakfast.  They were excited to go to Primary because they would be able to make their mom a card, since they had nothing at home to make her one.  I listened to a gentleman in his 80's, sitting next to his wife he cares for physically and mentally, talk of the treasures of their love.  He also spoke of the happiest times of his life being that of a parent to little children.  I visited a sister in a rehab unit, who extended an invitation to come and visit with her often, her loneliness reflected in her tears and voice.  I received a text from a young woman I'm working with that gave her baby up, and told me that today was a good day because she was just released from jail.  She asked me if she was of any worth to anyone, I said - you made a difference in your child's life by giving him to parents praying for a miracle, that makes you someone awesome in my life.  She said - no one's ever told me that before.  I kinda just want to write a bit about some special mom's in in my life - because without them, I wouldn't be who I am today.  Mostly because I never want to let them down for their sacrifices made in making sure I never forgot to give all that I am away - an in that concept - find pure joy.  My Grandmothers, Elizabeth & Elsie - I carry you in my heart daily.  To my Mom - June - to whom I owe all things great and small and everything inbetween.  To my Mother-in-Law - who defied all odds and raised a good son.  To my daughters, Mandy and Ashley - one caring for her first born, one planning on her first born - each possessing skills of love and tenderness beyond my imagination.  To my Daughter in Law Bethany - oh how my lucky stars aligned the day I was blessed to have you be mine.  The next generation of Mom's - Sweet Em... you have the best examples of moms ever within the two families you belong to.  To my sister in law - who loves my brother without hesitation, without killing him, and without guile - ever - thank you.  To my sister in law Karin - mother also to my children - your love is unlimited - and never goes unnoticed.  To my sweet neice - thanks for leading the way on how to have very handsome little boys.  To the in law moms to my children's spouses - Pam, Kathy, and Ruth -  wow - you are all amazing - and have given us the best of the best. And one final shout out to Gma Mackay... you are a rockstar.  There is much to be given back to these people in my eyes.  I learn from each of you every single day.  Each week I serve - the most important thing I do - is to build up the hearts of the mothers in my ward.  They hold in their arms the future of this world.  I tell them they are loved, they are valued, and they are extremely important as a Daughter of God.  To my mom - I love you, I am you, will strive to become more like you - only I'll actually wear the hearing aids, and keep my glasses where I can find them at all times.  I love my children - that allowed me the greatest honor of all - to be their mom.  I promise to be an embarrassment always - and yes, I will require patterns on my depends when I get older.  you have brought me light, and joy, and love.  Thanks for choosing me.  Only heaven knows why! (: