Just a bit 'o my thoughts

Well, this post will mean nothing to anyone else but me - but I wanted to put it on paper and out of my mind somehow.  10 years ago, or even 20, I never would have believed that I would be in the spot I'm in now.  Some things planned - but the majority not.  I have had to find a strength inside of me that I've had to muster up more than it should have to be.  I've found that I have had to separate things happening in my life, and catagorize them.  Sometimes I've actually had to tell myself - Nic, let there be some joy in your life for a few minutes.  I do - and it helps, and then it's quickly gone.  Then I'm back into seriously heavy thoughts that find me in places that I'm unaware of how to cope with.  I have found fears that people shouldn't have to live with every day.  Yet again - I've found myself closer to the Lord in plea's of help and peace.  I listened to a talk a while ago - I've tried to incorporate those words I heard into my day.  "If you can only see the blessings right around the corner you would realize that these moments of uncertainty are but a small price."  I've used the 'flip the coin' concept.  One side Trials, the other Blessings.  The trial side is very dusty, and I need to flip it over more.  I'm not sure how some of these things came to be but it's kind of like the frog sitting in the warm water - not realizing that the heat has been turned up and it will soon become frog legs...  I've had to reach inside and remind myself that things are just things - and people are more important than anything, and most of all that Family is everything.  I'm grateful that my son's body is healing.  I'm hopeful that my daughter will deliver soon.  I'm aware of the pains of separation of loved ones.  I'm far far away from my Grandbabies that I love.  But all of these things have taught me great lessons.  It's time to sacrifice some things and to make better choices.  It's time to step up to the plate - and just be brave.  It's time to just realize that life is just a great big huge lesson to learn.  It's also important to know that when I look around at others - we are all basically swimming in the same pool.  Things can be taken in an instant, and today I was reminded of that by the devisation in Japan.  Life goes on - and on.  Today - I just need to get charged up somehow and get over this and move on.  I know that makes you wonder what the heck is going on.... that's not important, what is, is that we are in charge of our happiness.  I'm going to go outside and put my face up into the sun, and breath.  It's a start.