Amazing Grace...

It breaks my heart that I haven't found a moment to blog.  It's actually one of my great loves - to write random things. Sometimes I feel so bad that I haven't blogged about significant events in my families lives, about my love for them, and their amazing examples to me.  I hope they'll forgive me - and continue to have patience with me as I go on this journey of trying to fix my entire world on most days.
I made a choice this past year to spend the rest of my working life caring for others.  Those that cannot do it anymore - and for those families that have been brought to the ends of the lives of their parents.  A place where some come to live out their lives, and some to spend their last moments.  It has literally changed the human being that I thought I was.  It's created a new one, one that I can now feel like I am giving back every single day.  I have watched families torn between reality and loyalty in having their parents become part of my world.  I have tenderly cared for many that have already left this earth, and carried on, leaving those same families here to grieve their loss.  I am truly effected by this.  I have slipped into an empty room and prayed that their passing would be quick and painless.  I ask for strength to be able to hold their loved ones left here and let them weep.  I have seen beautiful souls leave the room or linger for a bit to look back.  After someone passes that I have loved... I go into their room after the family leaves, and the mortuary has left... and I spend a moment in there - where I bathed them. or fed them. or cried with them, and I thank the big guy up above for those precious moments spent there, between here, and  beyond the veil.  Sometimes weeks later, I go into their room and twirl just because I know that would make them giggle, and send a bit of joy their way.  I know they are not physically there - but more times than not, I feel their hands upon my face.  Recently - I helped a family through a very sweet time in their grandmothers end of life experience.  I watched this family - full of the knowledge that they would see her again - and listened to them celebrate her life, as they held her in their arms.  For nonstop days and nights we spent time together giving comfort and medical attention as she passed.  I was able to talk with the 50 plus family members there the night she passed - and told them how proud I was of all of them - and how the world would be a better place if they could see how they all handled this experience.  It was difficult to administer to the needs of this special person as she was passing and it became obvious to the family that she meant a great deal to me.  I listened to this family have a last moment with her, and listened to the prayers offered by them, and then cherished those last moments before peace and quiet and stillness set in.  This family was from out of state - most of them, and the other half local, and the funeral and burial were out of state.  But today - this tender family came and found me at work - they said some things that I cannot even share because they are so sacred to me.  I was told one thing I would like to share, and that is that this family said that they were inspired to come to where I work and they knew it was to meet me... (wow little old me??)  and I said in return, "No, you're wrong, you were sent here so I could meet you."  I found out that they had mentioned me at the funeral - and I could hardly hold my emotions.  They said that her favorite song was "Amazing Grace" and that they sang it at the funeral.  Today they told me - that they dedicated it to me.  Who does that?  I was beside myself.  Then they gave me a basket of things with the words 'Grace' on each one.  I don't like to say - wow lookie at me.... because I spend my life telling people - wow - lookie at you... and to encourage people to celebrate every second of life, because one day - there are no seconds left and you need to be known for what you leave behind.  It really took me quite a bit of time to compose myself today after that visit.  I thought of all of the times I think I just don't matter in so many ways... but to one sweet angel on the other side... I meant something for the last moments of her life.  I don't like to write much about my life - in a serious sense of the word, but perhaps somewhere in heaven, there's a tiny post-it note with the words "Amazing Grace" and maybe - just by chance, it's stuck there next to my name.

 

I once was lost, but now I'm found,

was blind, but now I see...

 

Thank you for one moment of clarity in an extremely difficult time Helen.

(The family allowed me to ask her to go and find my

 dad and tell him I loved him when she arrived in heaven)

(I'm pretty sure she did)