Not so 'Wonderland' today.... a rant on several levels of random distain

I just returned from seeing Alice in Wonderland.  Not a particularly awesome show - but never the less one that as soon as the show was over, I snapped.  I seriously seen life as it really is for me and I believe that I'm not as crazy as I thought I was, I'm worse.  I saw myself in Alice.  Totally.

I believe that I have become what everyone said I 'should be' instead of what I dreamed of being. (because I believed there was a plan, but there isn't)
I believe that grand kids should be allowed to live close enough that grandparents can go to a soccer game or a ballet recital or hug them tightly or read stories to them or sing songs to them....or just hold them in your arms while they sleep.  (because that's something I've dreamed of doing forever)
I believe that a child should not have to find an article about 'potential', because her mother thinks that she can touch the stars just the way she is. (because you keep trying to convince me, instead of yourself) (I think you are magnificent...)(some people will never know the 'you' I know)(and that's tragic)
I believe that when you lose a child, it's ok to cry, and try again, and celebrate that your husband is always there when you wake up, even in the hospital. (because I believe that you were destine to be an awesome mom, even without a tattoo)  (:
I believe that when you have to tell your son on a mission that his x-girlfriend was married 5 minutes after she broke up with him, sucked. (because you did exactly what you said you would never do)(there I finally said it)
I believe that people who take advantage of your kindness, don't deserve it anymore. (because people really do know when you are doing just that)
I believe that watching your parents grow old, changes you as a person. (and I refuse to live that long)
I believe that being picked last to play, still exists, and still hurts. (because last time I checked, I was someone)
I believe that the last dozen times I've been to church, it seems like just don't fit in there. (because the glove isn't always for the resurrection) (and I wanted to find a hole and jump into it)
I believe that today..... was a really sucky day.  (because today I finally saw the 'big picture' and I realized that I wasn't in it anywhere, and I didn't have a sword to defend myself)
Today the world is just too "Mad Hatter' to me....(because, 'we're all a little crazy sometimes' and 'I'll never be anyone's champion').  Off with her head....