Some good 'Old' news... (:

Hello there.... ya it's just me.  I'm missing my blog and the opportunity to write from my heart.  I thought I could take a huge chunk of my blog and explain my feelings but I have found them to be extremely personal and quite painful still.  But there are such wonderful things going on around me that it's important for me right now in my little corner of the world to freaking start cheering for life again.  So I made some changes... and I like them... let me share what's been going on.

 

I have always felt like I was just a seriously loser mom in the fact that all of my kids have Bachelors and some even Masters Degrees from a Major University (BYU and UofU)(We bleed both colors).  It was joyful and painful to see them walk those stages, knowing that I would never get the chance to do that.  But perhaps I could at least make an effort to make a difference in the world somehow.  I've worked retail for 12 years - and I became totally numb to the fact that this was just how it was going to end for me.  Then one day I got really really mad.  I took all of my money I'd stashed away and paid for my CNA/Phlebotomy/BLCPR certifications.  I was prepared to move on - and then my dad died and it all stopped just after completing the courses.  3 days after the funeral, I took my state exams and nailed them - shocking even myself.  I applied at several assisted living centers - turned down Hospice Care, and was hired by a wonderful little place close by my home.  I fell in love with all of the people that took the time to show me the ropes, help me complete my Med Tech training, and give me the courage to quit my retail job.  I will certainly miss my sweetest ever friends from the store, and the memories of crazy times there - but it was time to move on.  In one week - I was hired, quit my job, started a new one - made the shifts I needed desperately, and started my new challenge.  I haven't killed any old people yet - but I'm sure there will be plenty of chances to do just that.  I didn't say anything to many people - because I thought I would fail.  I'm not one to be yahooing too much about succeeding.  But that old cliché, "When God closes a door - he opens a mall somewhere else..." really fit the bill here.  I'm kinda really freaking old - and I don't have a great desire to rack up a 13,000 school bill for my nursing degree just to be too old to work it - but until that day comes - I've felt more love from 60 over 80 year olds that I've ever felt before.   Just as you turn out the light after you've tucked them into their beds they say, "Nicole, will you be here tomorrow?"  I remind them that I wouldn't miss being here - because I've waited forever to do just this little thing I call, mattering.  Thank you mom and dad for teaching me all of those old songs - they are like golden nuggets of comfort for little old people that no one comes to visit.  Never felt so old - never felt so happy, never felt so good.  Now... every time I see the little old lady walking down the hallway with her purse waiting for her family to come, it's my mom to me - and I cry like a baby.  Somewhere - someone is taking gentle care of her I pray.  I promised my kids I would never get old - but until then I'll care for those that didn't make the same promise.  Sorry... I should have made this "Brief" but how about from now on we get off the pity party posts - and have some good old fun eh?  Thanks for your patience.  I'm back.