Almost there.... maybe.

Elder Busche once said:  "When you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now.  But know also that as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better."  This thought has carried me for the past two days.  I've felt a lot of love from my kids and from my close friends.  I have appreciated the kindness, the moments of letting me just be quiet, and tender words of encouragement.  I have appreciated Elaine.  I have appreciated Paige.  Thank you Roxie, and Dianne, and Marilyn, thank you Jane.  Thank you to my employers who sacrificed many hard hours of work in my behalf.  I have beyond words appreciated my amazing kids.  Please know of my gratitude.  My best friend in the world has been my Heavenly Father.  This was not a time to blame God for anything - it wasn't a time to question things, it was a time to gather in his Spirit, and quietly sit with it, and feel it surround me.  This was the safe place for me, when all else failed.  The more I hurt, the harder and more I serve - so the badge went back on and there were heartaches beyond any of mine to tend to.  Every time I serve, no one knows - but God knows, and while I serve, he weaves his love into my heart, he quietly slips joy into my soul, and he very carefully eases me into forgetfulness of my pain.  To those in my Willow Canyon 7th ward - you are angels.  To my Relief Society President who said exactly what she should have said - and came at precisely the right time... thank you for listening to the Spirit.  I loved that my sweet friend Kathy sent over a gift card to go out to dinner.... you'll never know how wonderful that was... no dishes. My heart is almost new - I'm not rushing it much, it's going to take time and patience with myself.  But apparently I'm worth it to the Big Guy up above.  Now and then I still whisper, "Dad", but I still cannot utter the words 'Mom' yet.  I talked to her for a brief moment the other day.  I told her that she was called on a special mission - to teach everyone around her the Primary Songs - because not everyone knows them.  She said she wouldn't let Heavenly Father down.  I believe she won't.  I was born of goodly parents.  "Give" said the little stream.  I know my Father lives.  I'm trying to be like Jesus.  I am a Child of God.  I (believe) they've called me on a Mission (still) Families are Forever.  Teach everyone you meet mom ok?  But don't let dad hear you sing - because he hates musicals.  'Till we meet again...."