48 hours after returning from the hospital from my surgery, at which the doctor said, "Go home and DO NOT MOVE...." my beautiful mother June Murray Hill Bowen passed away to be with my daddy on Valentines Day. I woke up that morning and it was the day all of the tubes had to come out of my shoulder. It was so painful and by the time I was able to get cleaned up and helped back into bed I felt I should call and talk to my mom. The aid said that her breathing pattern had changed and she was probably going to pass in 24 hours. I frantically gathered my things - so totally drugged up - not knowing how to get to Logan.., but within a hour the call came that she had passed. I had missed it. I let her down. I wasn't there. I had failed her. She had slipped away on her own to join her glorious family on the other side. I was alone when the call came, I cried a cry that I've never heard before come from my soul. All that I had inside me was shattered in a million pieces. She was the light of my soul. There will be times I want to write about her - and the moments since then. The privacy of my grief consumes me and I have hidden in the darkest corners of my soul. I cannot breathe some days. Other days I find myself thinking about what she would have done in situations and I find a moment of a smile. I know she is happy - I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is whole and beautiful and complete. I know now that she knows all the things the Lord promised her before she came to this earth that he would help her with - he did. Her soul, her life, changed the world for many people. Preparing for her funeral, with the situation at hand with my surgery was more than I could bear. Preparing words to speak about her - joyful and painful. She lifted your spirit with just a flash of those blue eyes - and there will never be now or ever anyone like her. How proud I am of her life, and her love, and her devotion to her family, her faith, and to my dad. Tributes to her were precious and poinient. My times with her were tender and precious. We LIVED when we were together - we LAUGHED, we SERVED, we completed sentences the same. She is my precious mother forever. My children were BLESSED by her every being. THEY GET IT - they will pass it on - for this... I can begin to begin again - because in their eyes - I see her. There have been experiences that I would like to write about - but until now I just couldn't start to write again until I posted a few things. Maybe she'll free my heart to tell those stories now. I love you forever and a day. I hold your heart, I hold your heart in mine. I love you.
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