29 Days...

This has to be my favorite picture of these two.  I love my grandkids so much - I miss them more than my heart can stand, but I know they are watched over and loved by their amazing parents.  I have a million things to do today - and yet here I sit blogging.  Sometimes it helps to just write those thoughts out.  It's difficult to find where you fit into life after your children leave and start their own lives.  I think I started to disappear within myself, feeling that I didn't have much to offer.  Every second is full of things that have to be done, but nothing that brings much peace.  Mission excluded - because there are always moments (or hours or days) of caring.  I recently read a book called, "29 Gifts"  about a lady with MS.  Her life was basically headed in a pretty sad state of being until she encountered a visit with someone that gave her insight about giving.  She was to give for 29 days - gifts, anything, some monetary (small), some gifts of time, or of self.  As she gave, her life became free, her mind opened, and her body responded by self healing what it could.  She did not overcome MS, but learned the great lessons of lessening the burdens that it carried.  I've heard of doing this before, but this book was a little more real to me as she explained some of her gifts, and how they effected her, and the receiver.  Learning how to receive was also part of the giving days.  I'm not one to announce, "Hey I'm going to be a do-gooder today and look out - because I'm just so amazing and lookie at me I'm doing this!..." - kind of person.  The gift doesn't count if the gift is announced.  There needs to be no return gift - you cannot say, if I do this, then I'll get that... it needs to just be given.  When I look at this picture of Princess Em and Prince Dbug, I see great things in their future.  Little does their mother know, that it was a gift to me on a very difficult day.  (she can count that as her gift for the day!)  I need to start giving more than I'm taking right now.  So I've started doing the things I've just read about.  If you miss a day - you must start over on the 1st day again.  I'm pretty sure that a 'higher being' or in my case, the feeling of all that is good from above.... will be more evident in my life.  But just for now - I need to find a little joy.   A quiet place where I can belong.  I need to be more observant of those around me instead of focusing on that person in the mirror with a heavy heart.  The last couple of days have included some eye opening moments, and a rare look into times that perhaps could have slipped away if I had not read this book.  It's not a religious attachment, but yet another way to try to change something somehow in my life.  I may comment on a few things, but personally I'm going to keep it private.  It's the smile inside that will count to me.  I think I'll stick with it... nothing to lose, lots to gain.