Because I will totally get fired for posting things about my place of where I've already spent 36 hours and it's only Tuesday night this week.... (; and, because I have signed the waiver promising that I will not disclose the sales for the day of the death march.... I will refrain from naming my particular retail occupation and deny all ties to the place if mentioned. But I am dangerous during this time of year. I have had in my hands the top secret memos of the sales of the century and also the amounts of each item available. My rants of Black Friday have varied over the 11 years at this residence at 666 Retail Avenue. I've decided to be super angry this year as some schmuck at the top has decided that our company will open open open at 9 PM for Black Friday... oh crap - I just threw up yet again. Next year Black Friday will be on Halloween night - why not - our vendors required our set up for Christmas to be super happy wrapped and ready by then anyway. Yes folks I've heard those complaints about how we rush into the season - please know that I am just a prisoner there - and not a decision maker. Since we open that early - my shift begins at 3 PM so that the ads can be set and areas located, and ends at - yes 3:30 AM. To ad insult to injury - we were asked to bring 'pot luck' for our lunch breaks.... My 83 year old mother doesn't understand why I won't make it to Thanksgiving dinner this year - I remember those days of sitting around the roasted turkey and sampling the mashed potatoes with my finger. Those days are gone.....................
So I'm going to post my warnings about Black Friday - please consider these rules to be set in cement as I will NOT budge from them -
1. The child will not stop screaming because it's 10 below zero outside, snowing, and you need a GPS system 'shucks, pretty darn bad'... (perhaps to find the address to DCFS?)
2. After hitting me in the ankle with your cart 5 times as you stand in line - the ankle will finally give way, and I will send you to the end of the line...
3. I don't collect tissues or used diapers, I am not a garbage disposal, and if you don't want to wait until you can find a trash can - thanks for stuffing it behind something - that's classy. (true story)
4. Thank you for reminding me that this is the 4th place you've been to tonight, and there's nothing left here - hum... because we opened 4 hours ago? (my fave chant.... "We're number 4!")
5. I love how you placed those boxes of jewelry in your pocket for safekeeping until you reach the registers to pay for them.... right?
6. People... people.... people.... I know that dressing like that made it to Facebook at another 'un-named' store... but have you washed those pajama pants since last year?
7. Nope - that Santa hat doesn't do it for me. And nope... I'm not telling you if I've been naughty or nice. Toothpaste..... two rows over... mouthwash is there too...
8. I personally don't care about all the relatives you have to buy for while I tackle keeping the line in order... nope - don't care.... don't care - I'm not Holly Jolly after 12 hours.
9. So... if the limit is 5 and you have 6... how many items will Johnny have to put back before he can check out?
10. Please don't tell me how you think that it's awful that the stores open this early... because you are the dipwad in line making that happen.
Please be kind to the retail employees. We can't strike, walk out or complain. We need our jobs. We are to show up with a smile even though our hearts are breaking. Our hours are long this week and then cut next week. We fall in love with our seasonal work only friends and then they are tossed to the curb after Christmas. We eat stale food, drink too many Rockstars, miss seeing our children, and catch everyone's colds. Black Friday employees of retail stores.... are the bravest people I know. Not those standing in a line outside, not those plowing through the doors knocking people down, not those that blow wads of money on wants not needs. My friends at my store - I freaking love you for your sacrifices. You are valuable to me - you are not about the almighty buck, your vacation days have been frozen, and your holiday memories are not 'time and a half' but a quarter... I'm sorry that you have to sleep through or work through a holiday that you are suppose to be thankful for things - and are so exhausted you can't be. I work with impoverished families who have nothing - I cried the first time 11 years ago when those doors opened and thousands of dollars were spent on (really rotten snot nosed crying tired) children... I lost a lot of my spirit then. I changed my entire attitude about Christmas. I'm pretty blunt about this part of the season - Black Friday... I'm almost grateful for January 2nd... because that item that you just paid $$$$$$ for is marked down to just $ and I am justified. And thus the rant is complete. Except for the rant about..... dun dun dun.... the Christmas Music Sound Track at work --- oh - just threw up again. Give a hug to some random employee at my store - thank them - cheer them on. Believe me - it's the last place on earth they want to be. Anybody hiring?
BTW.... Valentine and Easter boxes came off the truck this week......
hippety hoppity Easter's on it's way.....
2 comments:
I <3 you, Nic. Tell it like it is...If it's any consolation, I will not be in line at 4:00 AM...in fact, I won't be shopping at all on Black Friday!
I did my part. I stayed out of all retail stores -- all weekend!
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