lower case stealth post

(shh.... don't tell anyone - but it's the last day of the fiscal year at my job and i found that i had 9.60 hours vacation left and had to - yes i said had to - take it - and i'm not complaining at all.  i am sitting in bed at 7 am though - been awake since 4 am when my brain has been trained to wake up - i've answered all of my e-mails for my mission, surfed facebook, stalked a few blogs, wasted good daylight on pintrest, listened to phillip phillips yet again, and just for the record... i have my retainer in - my orthodude would be so proud of me at my age still wearing it.  i have a full day planned including blood work, 2 workouts, t-on the hill run, shoveling snow, checking out the hoarding in the basement situation, and perhaps a mcdonald's coke.  i plan to finish off the day by going to hear manda panda perform, sitting next to my preggo daughter ashley, and maybe eating some dark chocolate.  never the less.... i'm running under the radar today because i've had over 22 texts of desperation from my mission this week and it's only wednesday, i'm sitting in a warm home home, ok - so i'm fasting for blood work but still i have food in my kitchen, i can drive a car to the temple today, i have a coat to wear, i have funny wonderful kids, i have a funny wonderful supportive family, i have chocolate.  but this week i also have 12 families, that i have to find answers for, food, warmth, jobs, and hope.  i have one single mom that tries so hard, i pale in comparison with her faith - so i thought i would post her attitude in a quote i found on my fave website today.  Rachel.... you go girl - because now that i've said your name, i know that the prayers will be coming in strong.  enjoy your day everyone.... don't tell anyone what you're up to - but make what you're up to worth while xoxoxoxo)

You're going where?

I don't know why it is that I can't let go of my kids. My oldest is 20choke9 in February and my youngest is 23.... all are married to wonderful amazing people, a couple have kids, or will have a kid soon and they are all either college graduates or will graduate in a few years.... so it's not like they are little kids - but by darn they are my monsters, my very own monsters.  I've been a mom now for almost 29 years and it's hard to shut that down.  So when changes happen and I'm not really too excited about having one oh let's say... move... when one has already moved and there is movement going on - I literally bawl like a baby.  I spent a lot of time giving them wings but who in their right mind said they could actually USE them?  I moved from Cache Valley to the Salt Lake Valley and I thought my parents would freak out!  But out of state?  Dang it!  I'm super proud of them but I also miss the everyday life of things.  The remaining children in the family still in Utard must wonder who will get stuck with the freaky parents!  (or parrots)  But then again - the last one here might end up with the Viper too... hum... always a fun thought.  Anyway - I've pulled my nails out of the ceiling, and my breathing has returned to normal after a week - and I have made all of my apologizes to those that I love.  And life is good, and we are all blessed, and we are freaking a forever family still and all those things you tell yourself....  But who will be there to stop this from happening.... if Grandma isn't around?  Yep... just waiting for the day when I get this call........

 

 

 

 



Me Mudder

2 days with my lovely mom - and the checklist is complete..... for now...

 

1.  Pull pomegranate out of the freezer - check

2.  Explain that "The Bachelor" is not choosing a queen - he only has thieves thieves tramps and thieve to choose from and yes, he believes one of them will be his wife..... check

3.  Change the Biggest Loser channel ASAP, don't want to have to explain that one - check.

4.  Find dirty laundry all hung up nicely... wash... check

5.  Resort Greeting cards again - check

6.  Search through house, garage, house, garage, still can't find house key - check

7.  Remove 6 rolls of tape from the bread box - check

8.  Answer yes, 5 times that I've had breakfast - check

9.  Change her out of her Sunday clothes for church because it's only Tuesday - check

10. Catch her standing over my bed in the middle of the night 4 times - check

11. Hide all the knives in the house before bedtime next time - check

12. Get groceries, and put them by the groceries she got a few days ago - check.

13.  Drive away from the house and cry the entire way home because I'm losing her ever single day that passes, and her life, and her memories, and her soul, and her influence, but never her love.

Yo to the Sunday night sit around thinking partae

It's a tragic moment in my life.  I've finally been able to open one of those Tri-flavored popcorn tins.  Next to it is a cold Pepsi.  A movie is in - and I'm under my covers with my socks on.  Could someone rescue me?  It's now the first weekend in January.  Yesterday was the day after I sent my little Grandkids back home to their home state.  I sent them off with kisses, and I love you's and little hearts that I drew on their hands.  They in return took my heart with them.  That meant that yesterday around our house was totally pathetic.  Moping and sulking.  It took me hours to put a simple Christmas Tree away.  I wrote my note to myself about the season and tucked it into the box to read to myself next year.  There were bits of styrophone from the village houses all about.  I found a deserted candy cane.  I looked at the stacks of Christmas music I promised myself I would play, but didn't - so I did, I started to play, and close my eyes and remember the room full of family.  I realize that I'm so incredibly blessed to have them all.  I opened my eyes and thought of the great things that will come my way this year.  A new grand baby, my mom getting funnier as she ages, the hysterical things that happen on my mission, plans for a garden again this summer, our first year as total empty nesters because our children have married the loves of their lives, and places to ride my bike.  Besides, the house always looks so much bigger when you put the tree away - I think it's because you are suppose to fill it with the prospects of a new year.  Today was a day of reflection for me.  I thought of the courage of my children, I thought of the sweet crush my parents have for each other.  I thought of all of the families that have a million kids... I have a brother - the best brother in the world.  Most people get to be married to doctors, lawyers or Indian Chiefs.... I have my own rocket scientist.  So tonight I'm tucking all of my memories in my pocket - and I threw in a few new ones to carry me through this next year.  Now, the toughest decision I have to make is, Buttered, Cheese or Caramel popcorn.....

Let's get this party started... 2013

You know - you just gotta post on the first day of the year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!

 

I wanted to thank the kind people that responded to my last post.  No one ever really reads my posts and I didn't expect the message to go so far.  Thank you to those that visited and left kind remarks.  I know that my daughter has a bazillion friends and she mentioned it on her facebook page.  That was pretty kind of her.  We received a call from our Mission President - they have extended our Mission, we received a call from our Homeless Friend... he was in tears over that news.  Just keep me from killing someone there, or getting killed and we'll all be fine.

.... on a lighter note...

 

 Our Christmas was actually celebrated on December 29th.  We are procrastinators sometimes... but it was important that my children be with their In-Laws this year - we are a trading off kind of family.  This would usually be hard for many people - except my children all have exceptionally wonderful In Laws and I know that there are wonderful memories being made when they are with them.  We started out by having family pictures - most times this would be pretty traumatic - but we found and old barn, and a fence post or two by the side of the road and Bethany sets up the tripod and we all say cheese.  Really like this years picture because it has EVERYONE in it!

oh wait - malfunction in Dropbox..... I'll fix this....

 

It was important to me that I have everyone in the picture because this year we added another beautiful Daughter-in-law, Katie.  This picture represents so much to me.  These are the loves of my life - the reasons for living - the purpose of my being.  There isn't enough space to post all of the feelings I have for these amazing human beings.  It was a joyful day.  Oh - did I forget a few pictures?  How about this one....

 and in case you needed further proof....

so... our next family picture will be in July.

 

Mike and Ashley have given so much to the world.  Mike has served in the Army since he was 18... 3 tours... being apart for all that time... trying to get little ones here have been difficult and sometimes tragic.  But this picture of life was proof that all things come in the Lord's time.  We are thrilled.  There were tears of joy - and of sorrow at this party.  We had a little one not make it this far in our family, due at the same time basically.  We all took a moment to make sure that our little one in heaven knew that it was loved, that it's Mother is courageous and loving, that it's Father was patient and understanding, that it's siblings knew that there will be another time for a little one to come soon.  How wonderful the mysteries of life are.  How compassionate a Loving Heavenly Father is.  How complete is the Plan of Salvation.  We understand that fully.  This little life that will come in July, will bring a sweet bit of love from the little cousin it will leave in Heavenly Father's loving arms.  Our family is growing, and we have one another to love, and new life gives new hope for us all.  To my beautiful Ashley... you have tried so hard, been so brave, and you now have the opportunity to know how I felt as I held you in my arms for the first time.  I think that's reason to celebrate.

 

2013... Bring it on...



Points of Light

It's Christmas Eve.  This is my 600th post since I started blogging.

The house is very quiet.  There are no little children here anymore.

It makes me cry.

I still have totes of decorations I have not put out and about, and it's strange to not see them displayed.  My Santa collection is in one of the totes, and that's ok.  There has been much going on as of late, and it's taken most of my Thanksgiving, and now my Christmas - and I'm just tired.

But inside...

there is Peace.

We serve as Inner City Missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  This is a calling made by the Church to serve as Service Missionaries - to those in need.  Many of our friends have been called to these positions - and we thought when we were called that we would go and do our best for the 12 months and call it a day.  We were called to a different mission than most of our friends - it's hard to believe that this exists somedays.  But we're almost two years into it now - and there really isn't an end in sight.  I'll just talk about my experiences a bit here - because we really aren't too public about it.  Most of our families we work with are protected by the state - some are trying to keep safe from abusive spouses, some children are protected from abusive parents, most are without jobs or homes, or hope.  It is not a calling of sunshine, but a calling that have introduced me to the concept of

 'Points of Light'

 

I have learned that I can stand inside the front door of a crack house and find a child within 60 seconds of a door opening to get it taken out to safety.

I have learned that a Utah Cockroach is - really big.

I have seen food being hidden in pockets, because it's their next meal.

I have listened to a mother verbally slam a child into a muteness, and a dark corner to hide.

I've seen children sleeping on the floor year after year.

I go to the Homeless Shelter to make sure my best friend is safe.  My only protection is my badge.

I have heard the screams on the phone of gunshots being shot through a home from the street.

I have filed a missing persons file when a mother and 2 children go missing after the little ones watched their gangster daddy take out mom physically.

I have had hundreds of texts from a woman terrified to death of who is pounding on the door in the middle of the night, in a place we are not allowed into after 9 pm.

I smile and wave to the police guarding the door of a threatened family from a gang.

I have seen the bottom of a mans foot showing through the bottom of his shoes.

I ached when the food money was used for smokes and booze.

I cried for a young boy who was caught shoplifting food because he was hungry.

I have walked the halls of the church house keeping pedophiles away from the nursery.

I have held a sobbing woman who just sold herself for rent.

I am aware of Satan's greatest tools.

Some of you may think I'm kidding... I'm not.

I've seen him face to face.

 

But I choose to see the 'Points of Light'

I see a home ward opening their hearts and wallets to provide warmth and gifts for little children.

I see a School Teacher teaching her children about giving - and watching those kids spend their own money for a pair of slippers for an old man, or a gift for a child that has never had one.

I see bags of clothes donated to clothe entire families.

I've seen 4 turkeys at a Christmas Party feed 300.

I've heard the most abused person in our Mission, open her mouth and sing like an angel.

I've seen the poorest of men offer his warm hat to another.

I've been offered lettuce found in a dumpster because they had nothing to offer me.

I've felt the warmth of tears on my face from someone that never knew anyone cared.

I have heard the smallest voice stand and bear testimony that God lives.

I've watched a Bishop tend to the needs of 800 people in one ward.

I've seen the Missionaries fed by a family that used their food order to feed them.

I've seen pennies, dimes and nickels from adults paying their tithing.

I've heard powerful priesthood blessings being given - to the point that you open your eyes to see if the Savior is standing there.

I've seen courage beyond belief from a homeless person with a 4.0 grade average.

I have seen the Glory of the Gospel, and Heavenly Angels ministering to this ward.

I have found, that I have so much more to do.

 

So... The Santa's didn't make it on the shelf.

There are no presents under the tree.

The lights never made it to the outside of the house.

I still drive to my mission with a Coke in one hand and a bowl of cereal in the other.

I still work graveyard shift right before I go to serve.

I sometimes sleep in sacrament meeting.

I mostly say I'm done on the way to serve early in the morning,

and I cry all the way home saying - I'll never give up.

I take on whatever needs to happen - which is usually always an emergency.

But if I can just try to be better, and give more, and complain less, and trust in my Savior more,

I think that someday, he'll see my tiny point of light.

 

Pass It On

Peace Good Will Toward Men

 

Merry Christmas my beautiful Children.

I miss your pitter patter of running up and down the stairs

to see if Santa has arrived.

You - have been my greatest gifts of life.

 



$1.06 McDonalds Large Coke

I have an agenda today.  Things that HAVE to get done or... it will be too late.  Running here and there,  jumping up and down, dodging from side to side.... and that's just the grocery part.  My biggest issue of my life is my attention span.  I KNOW what has to be done, I FEEL the pressure, I SEE the time on my watch and the amount of charge time left on my I-pod..... and yet the minute I get serious, bright shiney keys show up and..... squirrel..... I'm lost to the abissssssss.....   So - off to McDonalds to start the day with a coke and a smile... and then.... um... wait.... um.....