Everyone should have a Jim

I love my neighbor Jim. Jim looks like Santa Clause. My kids all know who Jim is.... The first time I noticed him was when we moved into this neighborhood this big huge scary guy lived just around the corner. He's about 6"7' and must weigh 270. He has a grand total of about 10 Harleys in his garage and he looks like a freakin' giant on a bike. He has white hair and a long, white goatee - he wears the one in the back in a pony tail. His smile is so bright you have to wear sunglasses in the dark and his laugh is LOUD. I love this guy - he is so dang funny. Jim LOVES to talk - and Jim if you are reading this blog please repeat the 'I love this guy' line ok? Here's the scene: Driving home, dark, tired, hungry, ugly. Jim is out getting his mail and I'm thinkin' I should at least say hello -but hello (ALWAYS) turnes into about a one hour conversation - of Jim talking you you - and you just knod your head up and down or back and forth. So I give in and stop to be nice, and say, hi. In the course of the next hour here are (just a few of) the random topics he covered...

1. Where are my children and how are they doing - very nice question - but he didn't let me answer.
2. Why did you let Del put those gay pipes on your bike?
3. Corvette has really let down it's heritage.
4. I didn't like your husband for the first 10 years. I thought he was a smart $&%@(#. (again I didn't get to comment)
5. Is Mike going to be able to keep fighting in the Army?
6. Empty nesters have 2 lives - the one before children and the one after.....(brilliant)
7. We should all go out to dinner (I don't think there's a place open late enough - even if we went early!)
8. How is your daughter doing? (I have two - I was wondering which one - but alas didn't get to comment on it)
9. Men just don't get how women want to be treated.
10. Don't worry about the cars passing - I'll just wave them on...
11. I lost 70 lbs last year - then for Christmas I started drinking again and gained 20 Holiday pounds back. (wait isn't that what women talk about?)
12. .... you just need to get people laughing and they let their guard down
and lucky 13. I liked the soft top Viper Del had 2 Vipers ago, I guess I should come down and see the new one and ..... visit.... with him. (tee hee - I didn't tell Del he's coming)

My top two favorites were:

A. Why do you keep edging forward in the car?

and

B. When I told him that I really needed to get going that I needed to get the pizza home to Del he said: Isn't that one of those heat up kind? It's not like it's going to get cold or anything!

I love Jim.
He is a good kind enormously friendly human being - that the world needs more of. I look at it this way - when the Hell's Angels visit on their Harleys - I'll have at least one of them as my friend.

......just try to let him talk his way out of that one....