Yo to the Sunday night sit around thinking partae

It's a tragic moment in my life.  I've finally been able to open one of those Tri-flavored popcorn tins.  Next to it is a cold Pepsi.  A movie is in - and I'm under my covers with my socks on.  Could someone rescue me?  It's now the first weekend in January.  Yesterday was the day after I sent my little Grandkids back home to their home state.  I sent them off with kisses, and I love you's and little hearts that I drew on their hands.  They in return took my heart with them.  That meant that yesterday around our house was totally pathetic.  Moping and sulking.  It took me hours to put a simple Christmas Tree away.  I wrote my note to myself about the season and tucked it into the box to read to myself next year.  There were bits of styrophone from the village houses all about.  I found a deserted candy cane.  I looked at the stacks of Christmas music I promised myself I would play, but didn't - so I did, I started to play, and close my eyes and remember the room full of family.  I realize that I'm so incredibly blessed to have them all.  I opened my eyes and thought of the great things that will come my way this year.  A new grand baby, my mom getting funnier as she ages, the hysterical things that happen on my mission, plans for a garden again this summer, our first year as total empty nesters because our children have married the loves of their lives, and places to ride my bike.  Besides, the house always looks so much bigger when you put the tree away - I think it's because you are suppose to fill it with the prospects of a new year.  Today was a day of reflection for me.  I thought of the courage of my children, I thought of the sweet crush my parents have for each other.  I thought of all of the families that have a million kids... I have a brother - the best brother in the world.  Most people get to be married to doctors, lawyers or Indian Chiefs.... I have my own rocket scientist.  So tonight I'm tucking all of my memories in my pocket - and I threw in a few new ones to carry me through this next year.  Now, the toughest decision I have to make is, Buttered, Cheese or Caramel popcorn.....

Let's get this party started... 2013

You know - you just gotta post on the first day of the year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!

 

I wanted to thank the kind people that responded to my last post.  No one ever really reads my posts and I didn't expect the message to go so far.  Thank you to those that visited and left kind remarks.  I know that my daughter has a bazillion friends and she mentioned it on her facebook page.  That was pretty kind of her.  We received a call from our Mission President - they have extended our Mission, we received a call from our Homeless Friend... he was in tears over that news.  Just keep me from killing someone there, or getting killed and we'll all be fine.

.... on a lighter note...

 

 Our Christmas was actually celebrated on December 29th.  We are procrastinators sometimes... but it was important that my children be with their In-Laws this year - we are a trading off kind of family.  This would usually be hard for many people - except my children all have exceptionally wonderful In Laws and I know that there are wonderful memories being made when they are with them.  We started out by having family pictures - most times this would be pretty traumatic - but we found and old barn, and a fence post or two by the side of the road and Bethany sets up the tripod and we all say cheese.  Really like this years picture because it has EVERYONE in it!

oh wait - malfunction in Dropbox..... I'll fix this....

 

It was important to me that I have everyone in the picture because this year we added another beautiful Daughter-in-law, Katie.  This picture represents so much to me.  These are the loves of my life - the reasons for living - the purpose of my being.  There isn't enough space to post all of the feelings I have for these amazing human beings.  It was a joyful day.  Oh - did I forget a few pictures?  How about this one....

 and in case you needed further proof....

so... our next family picture will be in July.

 

Mike and Ashley have given so much to the world.  Mike has served in the Army since he was 18... 3 tours... being apart for all that time... trying to get little ones here have been difficult and sometimes tragic.  But this picture of life was proof that all things come in the Lord's time.  We are thrilled.  There were tears of joy - and of sorrow at this party.  We had a little one not make it this far in our family, due at the same time basically.  We all took a moment to make sure that our little one in heaven knew that it was loved, that it's Mother is courageous and loving, that it's Father was patient and understanding, that it's siblings knew that there will be another time for a little one to come soon.  How wonderful the mysteries of life are.  How compassionate a Loving Heavenly Father is.  How complete is the Plan of Salvation.  We understand that fully.  This little life that will come in July, will bring a sweet bit of love from the little cousin it will leave in Heavenly Father's loving arms.  Our family is growing, and we have one another to love, and new life gives new hope for us all.  To my beautiful Ashley... you have tried so hard, been so brave, and you now have the opportunity to know how I felt as I held you in my arms for the first time.  I think that's reason to celebrate.

 

2013... Bring it on...



Points of Light

It's Christmas Eve.  This is my 600th post since I started blogging.

The house is very quiet.  There are no little children here anymore.

It makes me cry.

I still have totes of decorations I have not put out and about, and it's strange to not see them displayed.  My Santa collection is in one of the totes, and that's ok.  There has been much going on as of late, and it's taken most of my Thanksgiving, and now my Christmas - and I'm just tired.

But inside...

there is Peace.

We serve as Inner City Missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  This is a calling made by the Church to serve as Service Missionaries - to those in need.  Many of our friends have been called to these positions - and we thought when we were called that we would go and do our best for the 12 months and call it a day.  We were called to a different mission than most of our friends - it's hard to believe that this exists somedays.  But we're almost two years into it now - and there really isn't an end in sight.  I'll just talk about my experiences a bit here - because we really aren't too public about it.  Most of our families we work with are protected by the state - some are trying to keep safe from abusive spouses, some children are protected from abusive parents, most are without jobs or homes, or hope.  It is not a calling of sunshine, but a calling that have introduced me to the concept of

 'Points of Light'

 

I have learned that I can stand inside the front door of a crack house and find a child within 60 seconds of a door opening to get it taken out to safety.

I have learned that a Utah Cockroach is - really big.

I have seen food being hidden in pockets, because it's their next meal.

I have listened to a mother verbally slam a child into a muteness, and a dark corner to hide.

I've seen children sleeping on the floor year after year.

I go to the Homeless Shelter to make sure my best friend is safe.  My only protection is my badge.

I have heard the screams on the phone of gunshots being shot through a home from the street.

I have filed a missing persons file when a mother and 2 children go missing after the little ones watched their gangster daddy take out mom physically.

I have had hundreds of texts from a woman terrified to death of who is pounding on the door in the middle of the night, in a place we are not allowed into after 9 pm.

I smile and wave to the police guarding the door of a threatened family from a gang.

I have seen the bottom of a mans foot showing through the bottom of his shoes.

I ached when the food money was used for smokes and booze.

I cried for a young boy who was caught shoplifting food because he was hungry.

I have walked the halls of the church house keeping pedophiles away from the nursery.

I have held a sobbing woman who just sold herself for rent.

I am aware of Satan's greatest tools.

Some of you may think I'm kidding... I'm not.

I've seen him face to face.

 

But I choose to see the 'Points of Light'

I see a home ward opening their hearts and wallets to provide warmth and gifts for little children.

I see a School Teacher teaching her children about giving - and watching those kids spend their own money for a pair of slippers for an old man, or a gift for a child that has never had one.

I see bags of clothes donated to clothe entire families.

I've seen 4 turkeys at a Christmas Party feed 300.

I've heard the most abused person in our Mission, open her mouth and sing like an angel.

I've seen the poorest of men offer his warm hat to another.

I've been offered lettuce found in a dumpster because they had nothing to offer me.

I've felt the warmth of tears on my face from someone that never knew anyone cared.

I have heard the smallest voice stand and bear testimony that God lives.

I've watched a Bishop tend to the needs of 800 people in one ward.

I've seen the Missionaries fed by a family that used their food order to feed them.

I've seen pennies, dimes and nickels from adults paying their tithing.

I've heard powerful priesthood blessings being given - to the point that you open your eyes to see if the Savior is standing there.

I've seen courage beyond belief from a homeless person with a 4.0 grade average.

I have seen the Glory of the Gospel, and Heavenly Angels ministering to this ward.

I have found, that I have so much more to do.

 

So... The Santa's didn't make it on the shelf.

There are no presents under the tree.

The lights never made it to the outside of the house.

I still drive to my mission with a Coke in one hand and a bowl of cereal in the other.

I still work graveyard shift right before I go to serve.

I sometimes sleep in sacrament meeting.

I mostly say I'm done on the way to serve early in the morning,

and I cry all the way home saying - I'll never give up.

I take on whatever needs to happen - which is usually always an emergency.

But if I can just try to be better, and give more, and complain less, and trust in my Savior more,

I think that someday, he'll see my tiny point of light.

 

Pass It On

Peace Good Will Toward Men

 

Merry Christmas my beautiful Children.

I miss your pitter patter of running up and down the stairs

to see if Santa has arrived.

You - have been my greatest gifts of life.

 



$1.06 McDonalds Large Coke

I have an agenda today.  Things that HAVE to get done or... it will be too late.  Running here and there,  jumping up and down, dodging from side to side.... and that's just the grocery part.  My biggest issue of my life is my attention span.  I KNOW what has to be done, I FEEL the pressure, I SEE the time on my watch and the amount of charge time left on my I-pod..... and yet the minute I get serious, bright shiney keys show up and..... squirrel..... I'm lost to the abissssssss.....   So - off to McDonalds to start the day with a coke and a smile... and then.... um... wait.... um.....

Just a little moment of Merry, before reality sets in.

There was a horrid thing that happened to 28 people, and their families in Connecticut yesterday.  I was bombarded with images and listening to screaming and watching the death count of small children and educators.  I was traumatized at the news, it sickened me.  I heard about it on the way to see my mother.  I only have a day to be with her and this was to be our happy day.  Well - it's a lot of work to make mom happy these days as she is really slipping into sadness - so these days together need to really count.  I arrived at the house and she had already heard the news - with her memory failing, every 10 minutes she relived hearing the news as if it was the first time hearing it.  I made a choice to turn off the TV, and turn the oven on, and started making Christmas Cookies with her.  We put beautiful music on, we trimmed her house with beautiful lights, and we prepared boxes of goodies for people that had been so kind to her.  We drove them around to the houses and looked at the lights. That night we watched  'Scrooge' at the Old Barn where my nephew did a great job.  There wasn't much I could do to change the tragic events of the day - but I had control over having a memorable day with my mom.  Here's what happened on a snowy day in a warm kitchen that smelled like heaven... 

Aunt Mary Hill's 100 year old Ginger cookie recipe

aw yes - hot wassail on the stove next to the clam chowder....

frosting then dipping into the coconut...

each cookie was perfect.

So is she.

ok... well right up to the point where the nativity set up

went really wrong.  The two wise men on the left were running

off with the loot, the sheep were sleeping, the 3rd wise man

was hitting on Mary and please don't make me get into

whatever is going on with the shepherd and Joseph.

 

Overall... for a moment in time there was Peace on Earth

in the little town I grew up in, in our little home there

with my sweet mom that I love so dearly.

 

Tomorrow I'll shed the millions of tears

for the innocent children, the grieving parents,

the loss in a community,

and unanswered questions of why.

And wonder if the world will

recover from this one, and when

will the next one be.

Bearing children at the age of 12 - and other myths.

I never thought the day would come that I could look at my kids as adults.  I just knew that I would kill them before then - either over grades, curfew, or my cooking.  Mandy and Ryan share the same birthday week - and no - I did not allow Christmas wrapping on their Birthday gifts.  It's been a riot watching them grow up and become these two really amazing people.  Mandy is married to a Ryan, making it quite confusing at times, and she's the mom of the man child we love to bits.  Ryan, MY Ryan just married his sweetheart Katie and they are working hard on their college degrees.  I just looked at these smiles and melted.  Aren't they wonderful?  Actually the picture I didn't show was the gang signs they were flashing.... so please don't buy into the perfect child thoughts.  We all arrived at Noodles with our FREE NOODLES BIRTHDAY coupons - and we feasted upon the goodness. Mike and Ashley, Katie and I joined the partae and we just sat around and laughed.... a lot.... at these two.  I love being their mom - I love that deep down inside my twisted thoughts - I have memories that can keep these two my humble servants forever.  I also am pretty happy about the amount of love and support they give me.  Just wanted to send out a shout out for their Birthday - Mandy - a quarter of a century, and my baby Ryan is 23.  Yes - if you do the math - I had them when I was 12.  Ok - I admit - although being together for the birthday people in my life - the best thing about the day was this...

Mac n Cheese and the boss - a delicious combination.

 

OH HAPPY DAY MANDY AND RYAN!

12/12/12 - because it should be noted...

Ok - so I've been waiting for the end of the world today.  I still have a few hours.  Until then, I have a cold, I'm tired, and I'm behind on watching Parenthood.  I have laundry to do, cupcakes to make, and some hot chocolate to drink.  It's a dark gloomy day - maybe the sun thought it was over too!  I did check my schedule at work and it says that I'm suppose to be in at 5 am - so at least THEY don't believe it ends today.  Kinda having a bad hair day too - so maybe I should at least brush it out.  I'm a tad over my (choke choke) weight goals so at least the vultures (if they make it through it all) will have a feast feast feast!   I also heard that the church ladies of rebellion are wearing their pants to church on Sunday - that might just be the last day for them.... ya know. Unfortunately I have to go to church in my Missionary Stuff - and then change into my pants to set up beds for a family that has been sleeping on the floor for over a year.  Then go back to the church... in my pants.  I hope I'm not voted in as 'pants president'.  If it is the end of the world today - let it be known that I have lived every moment of what I've been handed.  I hope to be able to celebrate the birthdays of my two kids this week - at least at Noodles - so if it IS the end - please leave us at least one Noodles to eat at.  Oh - and can we keep Happy Hour at Sonic?  There are some things I won't miss..... namely traffic on I-15, Diet Coke, sore throats, and miles between my grand kids and I.  I will miss scrambled eggs with ketchup, orange sticks and my entire family - except for a few cousins that think I'm of the devil.  Let's not let them know any different ok?  Have a super wonderful day - ok - I will miss you too.  xoxox  OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE - it's not the end of the world day - that's on the 21st!  But it was a great practice day!